Thursday, August 20, 2009
Too much time?
As I look back through my blog I wonder to myself if I babble on too much?? Maybe I have this time now that I'm retired so I talk a lot. Is this blog a journal about me and my life or is it very cheap therapy?? Since no one is reading this, except me, who cares if I babble on?? I think maybe I will try to write more often and not write so much at each sitting. Give me your comments and ideas. Are you out there? Hello? Am I here alone? guess so
Retired and Alone, Nah !!
When I got ready to retire I had to change a lot of things and set up a bunch more. Of course I had to set up or at least think about a budget as I was not going to have a steady income coming in. Since I did have a retirement fund and a retirement check and Social Security check coming in that was going to help, so point #1 "watch your money". Also since I had met a great gal I was going to move to Vacaville to be closer to her so I had to sell or rent out my house in Citrus Heights. Since the market and Real Estate prices were in the toilet I decided to rent it out for a while.
Then came one of the biggest decisions and that was what I was going to do with my Grandson's dog. Actually it was more like my dog since my grandson had moved away. My youngest daughter wanted to take the dog but since she was having enough problems taking care of herself her taking "Murphy" when she moved to Tahoe was out of the question. I was lucky enough to find a person that was looking for a dog and liked Murphy so he took him and gave him a good home with a couple more dogs and lots of room to run. OK, most of my problems are answered right??
I knew I was very attached and very much in love with Murphy but I couldn't keep him in the apartment. This worked out for him for the best I think since he had friends and a regular place to stay instead of living at the kennel like he had been doing for about 6 months while I worked in the Bay. Little did I know how much it was going to hurt. We were buddy's and spent almost every minute together when I was home in Citrus Heights. We watched races together, ate together, took walks and had long talks together and yes, slept together. He was 80 pounds of fun and companionship and good looking like me too. We had been together for almost 10 years so it was tough to separate. I knew he was going to bigger and better things and I was starting my new life too but it had a lot of sad moments to think about us going our separate ways.
Now I have retired, moved, and started my new life but now and again I think about my buddy and think about our good times together. He was great even if he was a little spoiled and ill mannered. He would greet me at the window when I got home, no matter what time it was, and then almost knock me over when I got to the door. After the salutations were over we had to go for our walk, that was a requirement he had set down early in our relationship. We would go for a walk once in the morning and once in the afternoon or evening everyday I was home. We went on basically the same walk for all those years, some times going a mile and some times going for 2 miles depending on the weather and how much time we had. The walks at 11pm at night or at 4:30am were usually only a mile as time was tight as I had to leave for work in the Bay or was tired from working all day. He would smell all the bushes and poles and I would talk to him about how things were going at work or we would just talk about life and the world's problems. We may not have had a lot of answers but we discussed all the things pertinent to us.
I am sure he is doing good and may not even remember me since it has been over a year now but I think about him once in a while and get a tear in my eye. He was a great friend and my buddy and we were a great pair. I am very busy now and have lots of friends and I am a lot closer to my family but every once in a while when I think about him and I feel alone. When someone is part of your life for a long time or become an important part of your life and then they go away it leaves a void. Whether it is a parent or family member, a friend or a pet it affects you when they are gone. You may cry and think about them constantly at first and you get to the point that you think about them occasionally, every day, every hour or what ever. I think about the ones that I have lost by death and I remember the good times and that is true for the ones that have gone out of my everyday life by moving. The mind is a very forgiving and self preserving thing as it doesn't dwell on bad memories, it picks out the good things and puts them up in front so you can access them first.
Am I alone?? Nah, I have loved ones around me everyday. Sometimes they are just memories and sometimes they are standing there with me. I do try to give all of them a hug and say I love you as often as I can. At my age things happen quick and I want lots and lots of good memories and very few regrets. ENJOY
Then came one of the biggest decisions and that was what I was going to do with my Grandson's dog. Actually it was more like my dog since my grandson had moved away. My youngest daughter wanted to take the dog but since she was having enough problems taking care of herself her taking "Murphy" when she moved to Tahoe was out of the question. I was lucky enough to find a person that was looking for a dog and liked Murphy so he took him and gave him a good home with a couple more dogs and lots of room to run. OK, most of my problems are answered right??
I knew I was very attached and very much in love with Murphy but I couldn't keep him in the apartment. This worked out for him for the best I think since he had friends and a regular place to stay instead of living at the kennel like he had been doing for about 6 months while I worked in the Bay. Little did I know how much it was going to hurt. We were buddy's and spent almost every minute together when I was home in Citrus Heights. We watched races together, ate together, took walks and had long talks together and yes, slept together. He was 80 pounds of fun and companionship and good looking like me too. We had been together for almost 10 years so it was tough to separate. I knew he was going to bigger and better things and I was starting my new life too but it had a lot of sad moments to think about us going our separate ways.
Now I have retired, moved, and started my new life but now and again I think about my buddy and think about our good times together. He was great even if he was a little spoiled and ill mannered. He would greet me at the window when I got home, no matter what time it was, and then almost knock me over when I got to the door. After the salutations were over we had to go for our walk, that was a requirement he had set down early in our relationship. We would go for a walk once in the morning and once in the afternoon or evening everyday I was home. We went on basically the same walk for all those years, some times going a mile and some times going for 2 miles depending on the weather and how much time we had. The walks at 11pm at night or at 4:30am were usually only a mile as time was tight as I had to leave for work in the Bay or was tired from working all day. He would smell all the bushes and poles and I would talk to him about how things were going at work or we would just talk about life and the world's problems. We may not have had a lot of answers but we discussed all the things pertinent to us.
I am sure he is doing good and may not even remember me since it has been over a year now but I think about him once in a while and get a tear in my eye. He was a great friend and my buddy and we were a great pair. I am very busy now and have lots of friends and I am a lot closer to my family but every once in a while when I think about him and I feel alone. When someone is part of your life for a long time or become an important part of your life and then they go away it leaves a void. Whether it is a parent or family member, a friend or a pet it affects you when they are gone. You may cry and think about them constantly at first and you get to the point that you think about them occasionally, every day, every hour or what ever. I think about the ones that I have lost by death and I remember the good times and that is true for the ones that have gone out of my everyday life by moving. The mind is a very forgiving and self preserving thing as it doesn't dwell on bad memories, it picks out the good things and puts them up in front so you can access them first.
Am I alone?? Nah, I have loved ones around me everyday. Sometimes they are just memories and sometimes they are standing there with me. I do try to give all of them a hug and say I love you as often as I can. At my age things happen quick and I want lots and lots of good memories and very few regrets. ENJOY
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